Divorce has many effects on children. No two children will react in exactly the same way. That's why parents need to be diligent about watching for signs and indications that your child may be having problems coping with their new reality.
Depression is one of the more common reactions we see in children of divorce. Unfortunately, many parents entirely miss or misinterpret the signs of depression. It can take many forms, including behavior that is distancing, lethargic and withdrawn. This is often accompanied by a drop in school grades. But depression can also manifest in other ways, such as agitation, frustration and aggression.
When depression takes that form, parents are likely to think of it in terms of discipline problems and respond with punishment. It takes maturity and a broader perspective to stand back and realize that your child's misbehavior may actually be a way of communicating how they are feeling. Their confusion, anger, resentment and powerlessness to control their life circumstances get expressed physically because they don't know how to verbalize those complex emotions.
Understanding and compassion goes a long way toward opening that door to communication. Instead of punishment, try talking about your new family situation and acknowledging areas that can be improved. Ask for suggestions. Try to get feedback, to create a dialogue rather than lecturing.
The key for parents is in finding more time for emotional support and reassurance to help your child feel less alone or isolated -- especially by the new circumstances in his or her life. If extended family -- grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins are not close by, this becomes even more essential. Children need the support of emotional anchors -- close family and friends -- and the consequences of divorce too often isolates them from the very people who can best help them through the transition. For this reason, you as a parent must continuously keep your eyes open for signs of emotional distress -- and then quickly respond with love, attention, compassion and both physical and emotional support.
Studies show that the rate of serious depression is increasing in children -- up from 2% a generation ago to 23% for children up to age 20. Not all of it is divorce related, of course, but it still should be a wake-up call to parents. Don't beat yourself up with guilt. That doesn't serve any one in the family. But do be alert so you can address issues that come up early on, before they lead to far greater problems. Also seek out the assistance of professional counselors or divorce groups for additional support.
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Rosalind Sedacca is founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network for parents and author of the internationally-acclaimed How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right! and other valuable resources on child-centered divorce as well as her free ezine, go to: childcentereddivorce.com.
© All Rights Reserved Rosalind Sedacca
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Source: www.huffingtonpost.com
Divorce Runs In My Family - Huffington Post
My dad had three different families, but it wasn't until I started writing about how my brother and I were affected by his impulse to extend his lineage that I understood how deep divorce ran in the Carr clan. Believe it or not, it wasn't always clear.
As a young divorcee and the sole provider for three toddlers, I wasn't exactly relationship material. So when I met someone who seemed smitten with having a ready-made family (maybe because he was adopted as a baby), I felt desperate to make it work. One night I found him lying naked on my cold gravel driveway because, as he told me, it made him feel alive, and I convinced myself I understood. Things got weirder as our relationship progressed and our ties twisted in ways I won't reveal here. Suffice it to say, in the end, even with his means and desire to take care of us, when he proposed, I thought better of it.
That decision validated a sense -- an intuition -- that I was not like my flesh and blood. Emboldened, I put some distance between destiny and myself by moving us to Paris, France. Before long, I met another expat. He got along with the kids; our relationship thrived. We were soul mates and made beautiful music together, literally and figuratively. When he wanted to get married, I chewed over the possibility for days and, amazingly, sought advice from my family back home. I guess I hadn't been far away long enough.
I called Dad, who was on his third family.
"Oh, dear," he said. "I'm not too good at this marriage game. It sounds like you love each other. What does he do?"
"He's a musician," I said.
"You know how your old pops loves music, sweetheart, but ... you already have three kids."
I tried Mom. She'd been divorced three times and lived alone. Maybe she would tell me what I wanted to hear, which was "Don't worry, darling. You're in Paris! You're not like us. You won't get divorced."
Instead she said, "His name is Joe?"
Mom's last husband, my stepdad, was named Joe. Without going into detail, I'll just say that the day after he disappeared, the FBI came to our home looking for him. Mom wanted me to have a life she hadn't. I was trying. If his name was her only objection, I at least had her on that one.
"Joe's not his real name," I said. "It's Lynn Vivian. He changed it as a joke. Get it? Joe King."
"Terry," she said. I could almost see her head shaking. "I don't know why you call me when you're going to do what you want anyway. Maybe now is a good time to tell you, Robert's getting divorced, again."
Robert was my half-brother. Mom had him with her first husband. Robert's third wife was also his second wife -- he'd already divorced her once. That's right, he was posed to marry and divorce the same person twice, in succession.
I wanted to speak to my full brother. His second marriage, as far as I knew, was solid. I asked Mom for his current phone number, and she clued me in on what was happening with him. He'd met and fallen for another woman and had figured out a way to not get divorced by asking his wife to allow his new woman to move in with them. Unbelievably, she agreed.
After assessing my odds at avoiding another divorce, I decided not to marry Joe King/Lynn Vivian or anyone else, ever. That solution seemed so genius I wondered why no one in my family had thought of it before.
I should confess, my one divorce had annihilated what little courage I possessed and going through another, I thought, would do me in completely. I was different from my family. They were made of sturdier and more resilient relationship stuff than I.
Now, with the privilege of perspective, it's clear that the only way marriage would have worked for me was if I'd been someone else. It certainly hasn't prevented me from embracing another Carr trait: love and loving love.
And, by the way, I'm not laying out my family's divorce history as some kind of badge of freakiness. In fact, I'll wager there are some with an even more diverse and colorful record in that department than ours. If so, please, do tell.
Source: www.huffingtonpost.com
USA Muslim Matrimonial - Owen Sound Sun Times
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Source: www.owensoundsuntimes.com
Kent County Cricket Club move Freinds Life t20 game from Nevill Ground to St Lawrence - Kent Online
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Heavy rain has disrupted much of the Tunbridge Wells Festival Picture: Barry Goodwin
Kent have moved Tuesday evening's Friends Life t20 match against Sussex Sharks to the St Lawrence Ground after flash flooding in Tunbridge Wells.
The match, which was due to take place at The Nevill Ground, will now be played under floodlights in Canterbury with a start time of 7pm.
Kent's chief executive, Jamie Clifford, said heavy rain on Sunday night had forced the club into action, leaving a return to Canterbury the only decision possible for the start of the T20 competition.
He said: "There is no way we could have got anything on at Tunbridge Wells at all. I would have been surprised if you could get any play on that wicket for 10 days.
"What a sorry way to celebrate your 100th festival but in the end you have to just accept it, there is nothing you can do. It's been horrific and pretty costly too and I feel sorry for the supporters who have had their plans disrupted.
"It's the opening game of the competition and it's against Sussex so hopefully there will still be a good crowd."
With the majority of the Tunbridge Wells Festival wiped out by rain, the county are looking at losses of about £50,000 for what is usually a profitable week. It could have been worse had a wicket not been prepared for today's scheduled Varsity matches between University of Kent and Canterbury Christ Church - now postponed due to the weather.
Mr Clifford explained: "Given that we had no games at Canterbury until the end of June, we could have been high and dry with no wicket prepared here and struggling, so we were very lucky there was a Varsity game originally planned."
- Anyone with tickets for the match and are unable to travel to Canterbury tomorrow, can send their tickets with name and address to Kent County Cricket Club, St Lawrence Ground, Canterbury, Kent CT1 3NZ. Kent are also offering full refunds for those that can't attend, while advance ticket prices of £20 for adults and £5 juniors will be available on the gate.
Monday, June 11 2012
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Source: www.kentonline.co.uk
