Here's a marriage tip: Don't come home and announce, "So, I was talking with this divorce mediator today..."
That is, don't say something like that unless either you're columnist wanting to eat dinner alone or are really serious about breaking up. But if you are serious, you're not alone.
Orange County has one of the highest divorce rates in the nation. On average, 33 people in the O.C. initiate divorce proceedings every day -- including weekends.
That's a lot of broken vows, broken homes and broken hearts.
True, life can be like a country song. Many find happiness after dumping their lyin', cheatin', thievin' spouses.
But as I sit down with a divorce mediator to learn about one of society's most popular rituals, I wonder if this woman is some sort of bottom feeder. After all, she makes a living helping families break apart.
By the time I accidentally freak out my wife, I have new thoughts on divorce.
I'll admit I walk into divorce mediator Lynne Diamond 's office with a bias, a bias I still have when I get home -- really honey!
My take on marriage problems is as simple as a magazine tip I read long ago: Within five years, the problem likely will gone. Of course, there may be a new problem. But there also is a deep richness to having a shared history, a shared future -- and having weathered struggles.
Just as country songs capture the joys and aches of marriage, country roads reflect the realities. Most marriages have rough patches, some are short, some are, well, not so short.
But Diamond, with 17 years as a divorce mediator, explains that marriage for many is rougher than the worst country road. Regardless of her role, the vast majority of her clients are going to get divorced.
For Diamond, who has dual master's degrees from Columbia University in education and counseling, the goals are to reduce the stress, speed the process and keep down costs.
Despite having mediated thousands of divorces, emotions sometimes get in the way. Her most difficult cases? When a spouse hires an attorney.
With a law degree from Concord Law School, Diamond is quick to explain she has nothing against divorce lawyers. But they are costly, and not just for couples.
If you're like me, you focus so much on taxpayer costs for criminal courts, you forget taxpayer costs for family court. As Diamond points out, court fees typically are under $1,000 whether you have a few filings or dozens.
I pour over a six-page list of one couple with 31 court filings. He ended up calling his attorney so she called hers. Attorney fees, Diamond says, totaled $150,000 for each spouse. The cost to taxpayers?
Custody evaluations alone average $10,000.
And those figures don't include the emotional costs most couples face.
The national divorce rate is about 50 percent. In California, it's 60 percent. According to the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, in Orange County it's 70 percent.
I admit that the D-word has floated through our house. "Most couples," says Diamond who has never been divorced, "think about it."
But thinking and doing are a lifestyle apart. Diamond tells of one woman who looked forward to greener pastures on the other side of divorce. "But all she discovered was dirt."
A trained mediator, Diamond doesn't sugarcoat her business. "The impact of divorce is devastating."
A mother of two sons, she explains that the ripple effects of divorce are exactly what led her to launch Divorce Wizards Inc. It was the early '90s and Diamond was a vice president with Merrill Lynch. She left for new beginnings and happened to witness a series of divorces on her cul de sac in San Clemente.
"My heart went out to those children," Diamond recalls. "There were 3-year-olds who didn't know what home to go to."
In 1997, Diamond founded one of the first online divorce sites as an alternative to hiring attorneys. Even with a proliferation of do-it-yourself Web sites, she estimates that today 90 percent of her clients see her in person.
Source: www.msnbc.msn.com
Essex Fire Crews Dispute-Meetings With ACAS - Market Wire
ESSEX, ENGLAND--(Marketwire - June 22, 2012) - A team from the Advisory Conciliation and Arbitration Service (ACAS) is in Essex on Monday 25 June. The team will first meet with senior fire service managers.
This team will then move on to a separate location to meet with representatives of the Fire Brigades Union and any developments will be reviewed.
Moves to resolve the Essex dispute have been frustrated by buck passing between the fire service, represented by senior managers, and the fire authority represented by councillors. It is the fire authority which is the employer of Essex fire crews and they have the legal responsibilities which go with that.
The Fire Brigades Union has been unable to get fire service managers and the fire authority employers in the same room at the same time to meet the union. Fire service managers regularly tell the union they cannot make a deal because, on some key issues, they do not have the power to do so.
The chief officer has confirmed that councillors and the national fire service conciliators are still blocked from attending talks proposed by the union. He has also made plain that the frontline cuts and impositions in dispute will continue regardless of any talks.
Adrian Clarke, FBU regional secretary said: "There are separate meetings with ACAS on Monday and we will review any developments or progress. But it has been confirmed to us that top fire authority councillors and national fire service conciliators continue to be barred from attending.
"The key to resolving the dispute is getting the right people in the room at the same time. The only way of breaking the stalemate is to ensure those doing the negotiations have the power to broker a deal.
"The cuts and impositions continue while the fire authority only offers talks with managers without the powers to make a deal. It is little wonder that Essex fire crews are deeply angry and frustrated at the lack of progress.
"Essex fire authority is signed up to a process that encourages the use of national fire service conciliators, some of whom represent the authority as employers. Essex fire service managers, who are not the employers, remain determined to work outside this agreed process.
"Essex firefighters do not relish strike action. But our attempts to broker an agreement or get talks with the key parties who have the power to reach a deal have been confounded."
Source: www.marketwire.com
Essex win last ball thriller over Surrey at Chelmsford - london24.com
Essex claimed victory off the final ball against Surrey in a thrilling game at Chelsmford.
Tim Phillips was the hero as he hit 14 from six balls to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat for the hosts.
Surrey looked set for victory after the hosts went from 93-3 in the 12th over to 130-7 in the 18 chasing 145 for victory.
Needing 15 from the final two overs Phillips swung hard and connected more often than not.
James Franklin batted through for the Eagles showing a calm head, ending unbeaten on 63 from 51 balls.
It was Essex’s third win in three days after victories over Kent and Middlesex to go top of the Southern group.
For Surrey it was a thrilling end to highly emotional week after the death of Tom Maynard.
It was Chris Adams’ sides first game since the 23-year-old’s passing four days ago.
An impeccably observed minute’s silence was held in the memory of the former Glamorgan player- with a number of Surrey players visibly upset before play began.
Despite the emotions before play began, the visitors made a brisk start as both openers Jason Roy and Steven Davies hit out taking advantage of an Essex bowling attack of Graham Napier and David Masters who bowled a touch too full.
The wicketkeeper played the classier shots, making the usually economical Masters look average.
Topley looked like he would get equal treatment after his low full toss with his first delivery of the fourth over was timed to the leg side boundary, but the very next ball Davies timed one straight into the hands of Napier at mid-wicket.
Murali Kartik was brought in to swing from the hip, but he lasted just one ball after he dropped and ran only to be run out by a smart bit of fielding from Napier’s direct hit.
Roy took a liking to Tim Phillips off spin when he came on in the fifth over, smashing him back over his head for six before repeating the trick for four the next ball.
The 21-year-old had smashed his way to 36 before he did depart in the sixth over, caught by Ten Doeschate in the deep, attempting to hit Topley out of the ground.
The wicket put Essex in charge and good bowling and fielding ensured they took control for the rest of the innings.
James Foster registered what was for him a regulation stumping to off Phillips to get rid of Burns for 15.
Despite the short boundaries the visitors could not find them again until halfway through the 13th over, but Zander De Druyne was to pay for his defiance the next ball as he was bowled by Greg Smith who bowled his countryman.
Matthew Spriegel sent a reminder that it was possible to reach the rope at Chelmsford as he leant back and gave it his all to send a Smith delivery over the boundary for a maximum in the 17th over.
The Surrey innings continued to peter out as Wheater caught an Ansari skier off Topley, before Spriegel went in similar fashion caught by Phillips of Ten Doeschate.
Stuart Meaker was run out without facing a ball, before Gareth Batty’s middle stump went flying thanks to a full one from Ten Doeschate in the final over.
In contrast to Surrey’s start Essex lost Mark Pettini off his first dlivery in the first over slapping one to a diving Burns at cover off Kartik.
Number three Smith hit the first boundary of the innings with a gorgeous drive through the covers.
The South African reached the boundary off Kartik once again and Drik Nannes before he came to a tame end, lobbing one up to Meaker at mid-off, off the bowling of the Australian.
Chris Tremlett came into the attack and with his first delivery of the season had Ten Doeschate caught at point by Batty to leave the hosts 36-3 in the fifth over.
Spin stifled the Eagles as first Spriegel and then Batty and Kartik took control, with the latter extracting some decent spin off a flat wicket.
After three overs without a boundary, James Foster smashed Ansari for four before slog sweeping him over deep mid-wicket for a maximum towards the pavilion.
The strangely quiet Franklin was next to clear the fence as he punched Batty to deep mid-off.
The New Zealander then took advantage of a front foot no ball by the spinner to launch the former England man’s deliver into Hayes Close as the Eagles plundered 20 off the 11th over.
Momentum shifted however after Foster was yorked by Meaker after a run a ball 23.
Franklin reached his 50 from just 41 deliveries, but the Eagles were dealt another blow as Tremlett’s pace was too much for Wheater who saw his bails disturbed by a full-pitched delivery.
Graham Napier went first ball chipping Tremlett into the air as Batty raced round to complete a simple catch.
Needing 40 off the final five, Michael Comber could not get Tremlett away increasing the pressure on Franklin.
Comber was Meaker’s next victim hitting straight to Roy, brining Tim Phillips to the crease with 11 balls.
Franklin smashed Meaker into cow corner for the first boundary since the 13th over to give the hosts a sniff.
Needing 15 from the final six balls Phillips gave his side the ideal side clipping Nannes towards the pavilion for six.
The spin bowler pulled the quickie for two the next delivery, before running through a bye the next delivery. Before Franklin did the same the next ball. Phillips got lucky as his edge took off for another boundary before he mis-hit the winning run off the final ball to claim a dramatic win.
Source: www.london24.com
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