Is divorce really reason to celebrate?
Are divorce parties in bad taste?
We love rituals. We do. They make us feel connected and purposeful. Rituals may be religious, or not. They may be shared with hundreds or few. But we love them because they are transformative. Weddings transform single people into a married couple, funerals transform dead bodies into living souls. Dinner dates make Friday night sexy. Grand finals make families from strangers, and enemies of others.
Of course, while passion for ritual process is common, commonly loved rituals are rare; one person’s sacred practice is another’s silly superstition – a waste of time, a hassle, even an inexcusable horror.
But what makes some rituals more supported than others? What makes one ritual right and another wrong in the eyes of society?l
I’d like to talk here about a relatively new ritual phenomenon. The divorce party – a modern, Western ritual spawned in America sometime in 2007 that has grown in popularity since.
Though Jack White and Karen Elson’s divorce party was a shared affair, in the main divorce parties are organised independently, a la Heather Mills who famously forked out $500,000 for one of her own.
And while women may be seen as the hostesses with the mostest divorce party inclination, they aren’t the only ones doing it; many men’s events organisers cater to divorce parties for boys. In fact, the divorce party has been described as the “final frontier of the wedding industry complex”.
But are divorce parties rituals that are good or bad for society? Are they generally appropriate or in very bad taste?
The Guardian this week had an article written from a pro-perspective. In this context, divorce parties were not about celebrating the end of a marriage, but the start of a new life. Following von Gennep’s famous ‘three phases’ ritual model, the divorce party prompts healing by first separating the protagonist from their married identity, then passing them through the awkward post-separation threshold before finally rejoining them with the fresh life and love potential beyond.
Looked at this way, divorce parties can be seen as a ritual with myriad positive consequences. As a sacrament devoted to a person’s newfound singledom, the divorce party might be a ritual with power to transform woebegone broken-hearts into optimistic hoping-hearts. Surely this is a good thing in a world where divorce happens, and happens often.
Yet when viewed from the other side of the fence, divorce parties can look like very negative exercises in regret - visions of vitriol spewed into tacky, stabby invitations, cocktails of misery and bitterness served up with slices of dead-spouse blood-velvet cake.
Instead of a positive trajectory of healing, divorce parties can see the central character stuck in a regressive loop of loathing. Beginning with hate for the old relationship, middling with stewing over the old relationship and ending with refreshed hate for the old relationship, a divorce party can read like a downward spiral of doom.
How, you might ask, could anything good come from something so vindictive?
Indeed, in this age of social oversharing, it’s likely the shenanigans of a divorce party will be captured and disseminated, possibly intentionally so (especially to the wrong people, ie The Ex). Such grave-dancing is reprehensible, and gains little. Actually, it could lose the jigger quite a lot if the settlement is not quite finalised, and the ‘celebration’ is used to sucker-punch funds.
So perhaps they key factor here is time. Divorce parties might be a healthy, socially desirable ritual practice if held at the right time. That is to say after the bruising and swelling has gone down. Then perhaps the focus will be of new life, rather than ruined life. Then, maybe, likely guests would be contributing to a new future rather than being caught up in a messy war. Then the party is more ‘new-you debut’, less ‘divorce party’ – something we surely should support.
But what do you think?
Have you ever been involved with a divorce party? What do you think about them? Are they a healthy ritual practice, or should we stamp them out on the grounds they’re a socially destructive force?
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Source: www.theage.com.au
London Games to be first social media Olympics - YAHOO!
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Source: sports.yahoo.com
At Dale Farm it took ten years. Yesterday this farmer and his digger saw off invading travellers in just three hours! - Daily Mail
- Dave Dawson threatened to remove travellers by force himself after declaring: 'I won't tolerate it.'
- Police say travellers left of their own accord in two hours 50 minutes after Mr Dawson's intervention
By Luke Salkeld
|
Not having it: Dave Dawson, left, responded to travellers moving on to his land by leaping into his digger and threatening to move them by force
When he found travellers’ caravans had arrived on his land, Dave Dawson had two options.
He could either alert the authorities and wait for the slow turning of the wheels of justice and officialdom.
Or he could rely on the somewhat quicker wheels of his digger – and remove the caravans by force.
Taking the second course of action, Mr Dawson put in a call to the police to inform them of his intentions, which risked leading to his arrest.
Officers arrived to oversee what appeared to be a few heated exchanges before – remarkably – the travellers left of their own accord.
His swift action stands in stark contrast to the decade-long battle to shift travellers from the notorious Dale Farm site in Essex, which only came to an end in October last year.
Mr Dawson, whose farm is near Shoreham in West Sussex, discovered the intruders early yesterday morning. ‘I would have used any force possible to get them off my land,’ he said. ‘I got down here about 6am and told them to move off. There were four vans there at the time and more parked up outside.
‘I came down with the digger and tractor and told them if they didn’t move I was going to move them.
‘I just won’t tolerate it. It is my land. I bought it and I have worked hard for it. I called the police and told them I was going to get the digger and move them.
‘I didn’t care if they got squashed, flattened or left on their own, but one way or another I was going to get them off my land.’
'It's my land': Undeterred by the sudden arrival of the travellers, Mr Dawson called police and told them he was prepared to remove the intruders by force
'I would have used any force possible': Officers were forced to stand between Mr Dawson's digger and the travellers' caravans to prevent him from carrying out his threats
It is believed that the went to Lancing Green, West Sussex, three miles from Mr Dawson's land
He said that at one point in the clash the officers had to stand between the two sides.
‘The police told me that once they are on the land they have rights. But what about my rights?’ Mr Dawson added.
‘If I had left it to the authorities they could have been on my land for weeks. I wasn’t going to wait for a court order to get rid of them.
‘As it was, the police threatened to arrest me. It has already cost me a day’s work and about 500 to repair the damage. They cut through a metal gate and put their own lock on it.’
A spokesman for Sussex Police said: ‘Six caravans turned up on land at 6.45am. The landowner also turned up and threatened to evict the travellers.
Furious: Officers oversaw what appeared to be several heated exchanges between Mr Dawson and his uninvited guests
A traveller talks to officers: Mr Dawson feared that if he left the eviction to the authorities, the caravans could have been left on his land for weeks
‘Police attended and remained on scene to prevent a breach of peace. The travellers left the site of their own accord at 9.35am.’ Removing travellers who have occupied land without permission is usually a much more costly and time-consuming exercise.
At Dale Farm, the decade-long legal battle cost taxpayers an estimated 18million.
A total of 43 people were arrested and several injured after protesters fought running battles with riot police over the eviction of about 80 families from what was the UK’s largest illegal traveller settlement.
As soon as Basildon council had declared a final victory, there was a massive leap in the number of caravans pitched on the legal Oak Lane site next door – and an adjoining road – prompting more expensive legal action.
In 2009, a convoy pitched up at another controversial travellers’ site just hours after a group had been evicted following a six-year legal battle costing 400,000.
The new arrivals rolled on to a field adjoining the notorious Smithy Fen site at Cottenham, Cambridgeshire, where travellers had set up an illegal camp.
Bye bye: The travellers eventually moved off Mr Dawson's land at 9.45am - three hours after they had arrived
Source: www.dailymail.co.uk
TNK-BP divorce need not have unhappy end - Financial Times
Source: www.ft.com
Good on you Sir I salute you!
- Super Kev, London England, 14/6/2012 16:23
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