Is divorce really reason to celebrate?
Are divorce parties in bad taste?
We love rituals. We do. They make us feel connected and purposeful. Rituals may be religious, or not. They may be shared with hundreds or few. But we love them because they are transformative. Weddings transform single people into a married couple, funerals transform dead bodies into living souls. Dinner dates make Friday night sexy. Grand finals make families from strangers, and enemies of others.
Of course, while passion for ritual process is common, commonly loved rituals are rare; one person’s sacred practice is another’s silly superstition – a waste of time, a hassle, even an inexcusable horror.
But what makes some rituals more supported than others? What makes one ritual right and another wrong in the eyes of society?l
I’d like to talk here about a relatively new ritual phenomenon. The divorce party – a modern, Western ritual spawned in America sometime in 2007 that has grown in popularity since.
Though Jack White and Karen Elson’s divorce party was a shared affair, in the main divorce parties are organised independently, a la Heather Mills who famously forked out $500,000 for one of her own.
And while women may be seen as the hostesses with the mostest divorce party inclination, they aren’t the only ones doing it; many men’s events organisers cater to divorce parties for boys. In fact, the divorce party has been described as the “final frontier of the wedding industry complex”.
But are divorce parties rituals that are good or bad for society? Are they generally appropriate or in very bad taste?
The Guardian this week had an article written from a pro-perspective. In this context, divorce parties were not about celebrating the end of a marriage, but the start of a new life. Following von Gennep’s famous ‘three phases’ ritual model, the divorce party prompts healing by first separating the protagonist from their married identity, then passing them through the awkward post-separation threshold before finally rejoining them with the fresh life and love potential beyond.
Looked at this way, divorce parties can be seen as a ritual with myriad positive consequences. As a sacrament devoted to a person’s newfound singledom, the divorce party might be a ritual with power to transform woebegone broken-hearts into optimistic hoping-hearts. Surely this is a good thing in a world where divorce happens, and happens often.
Yet when viewed from the other side of the fence, divorce parties can look like very negative exercises in regret - visions of vitriol spewed into tacky, stabby invitations, cocktails of misery and bitterness served up with slices of dead-spouse blood-velvet cake.
Instead of a positive trajectory of healing, divorce parties can see the central character stuck in a regressive loop of loathing. Beginning with hate for the old relationship, middling with stewing over the old relationship and ending with refreshed hate for the old relationship, a divorce party can read like a downward spiral of doom.
How, you might ask, could anything good come from something so vindictive?
Indeed, in this age of social oversharing, it’s likely the shenanigans of a divorce party will be captured and disseminated, possibly intentionally so (especially to the wrong people, ie The Ex). Such grave-dancing is reprehensible, and gains little. Actually, it could lose the jigger quite a lot if the settlement is not quite finalised, and the ‘celebration’ is used to sucker-punch funds.
So perhaps they key factor here is time. Divorce parties might be a healthy, socially desirable ritual practice if held at the right time. That is to say after the bruising and swelling has gone down. Then perhaps the focus will be of new life, rather than ruined life. Then, maybe, likely guests would be contributing to a new future rather than being caught up in a messy war. Then the party is more ‘new-you debut’, less ‘divorce party’ – something we surely should support.
But what do you think?
Have you ever been involved with a divorce party? What do you think about them? Are they a healthy ritual practice, or should we stamp them out on the grounds they’re a socially destructive force?
kfeeney@fairfaxmedia.com.au (I promise I do read mail, even if I don't respond right away...)
Source: www.theage.com.au
Self-employed men hide income in alimony cases: Court - Newstrack India
New Delhi, June 14 (IANS) A Delhi court has expressed concern over self-employed men involved in matrimonial discord cases not revealing their real income ahead of the fixation of maintenance for their estranged wives.
Metropolitan Magistrate Priya Mahendra in a recent order directed Dalbir, a farmer from Hamidpur in north Delhi, to pay a monthly maintenance of Rs.10,000 to his estranged wife and two minor daughters.
The court ruled that the real income of self-employed men involved in such cases never came to the surface.
"Unfortunately, in India, parties do not truthfully reveal their income. For self- employed persons or persons employed in the unorganised sector, truthful income never surfaces," said the court.
The court's remarks came after hearing that Dalbir's monthly earning was between Rs.6,000-7,000. He told the court that he was a farmer and earned Rs.75,000 a year.
The court said that it was unbelievable that a man having so many properties in Delhi had an income of Rs.6,000-7,000 per month.
"It is important to note that even the minimum wage for an unskilled person in Delhi is Rs.6,000 per month," said the court.
The court also considered the submission made by Dalbir's estranged wife that he owned many properties and earned around Rs.8-10 lakh a year.
"The respondent is the owner of a number of lands and it is not possible for him to maintain such properties without having good income. The income of the respondent in the present case can be reasonably assessed as Rs.30,000-40,000 per month," said the court.
The court directed Dalbir to pay Rs.5,000 a month to his wife and Rs.5,000 a month to his minor school-going daughters.
The court was hearing a petition filed by Dalbir's estranged wife for maintenance. She told the court that they got married Feb 18, 1999. Later Dalbir's family started torturing her for not bringing enough dowry.
After the birth of two daughters, Dalbir and his family abused her for not giving birth to a boy.
The woman told the court that she was turned out of her husband's house Jan 27, 2009, along with her two daughters and denied any maintenance.
Source: www.newstrackindia.com
Sussex chainsaw robbers who threatened to cut victims' fingers off are jailed - thisissurreytoday.co.uk
ROBBERS who threatened to cut victims' fingers off have been jailed for a string of offences across Mole Valley and the South East.
Dean Shade, 32, of Turpington Lane, Bromley, was sentenced to life imprisonment with a minimum term of 10 years and James Russell, 24, of Leybourne Close, Crawley, was sentenced to 11 years.
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CCTV footage from one of the raids. In every attack the gang were armed with weapons including knives, baseball bats, chainsaws and angle grinders
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James Russell was sentenced to 11 years in prison
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Dean Shade was sentenced to life in prison
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CCTV footage of the armed gang robbing Friday Ad in Sayers Common
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CCTV footage of the armed gang robbing Unity Media in Sevenoaks
Shade was the mastermind of an armed gang which stole computer equipment worth £415,840, including 169 Apple Macs.
The pair targeted businesses across the South East during 2010 and 2011, including Robert Dyas and Puma UK in Leatherhead, and a private address in Charlwood.
Detective Sergeant Dennis Phelan, of the South East Regional Organised Crime Unit, said: "These offences were not committed with any great degree of sophistication.
"The gang simply relied upon brute force and numbers to threaten and terrorise their victims, many of whom were tied up and marched round their premises before being left alone, restrained in the premises until the alarm was raised.
"Due to the threats and level of violence used, many of the witnesses who gave evidence did so from behind screens. I would like to applaud their courage in doing so. Several remain traumatised to this day by these events."
The two robbers were sentenced on Friday along with Candice Fox, 29, of The Brindle Way, Purley, who was given 12 months imprisonment suspended for 18 months for converting criminal property for the gang.
Russell had pleaded guilty at Brighton Crown Court on April 10, and Shade was convicted on May 11 after a four-week trial.
In every case the robbers were masked and armed with a variety of weapons including knives, baseball bats, chainsaws and angle grinders, threatening to cut victims' fingers off if they did not provide their personal bank cards and PIN numbers.
In April 2011, police found crucial evidence linking Shade and Russell to the robberies.
Russell was arrested in May that year for an unconnected offence, and Shade was caught at the beginning of August.
Detective Chief Inspector Dave Allen said: "There are others out there who were involved in these extremely violent offences who have not yet been brought to justice."
Anyone with information is asked to call police on 101 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555111.
Source: www.thisissurreytoday.co.uk
Cops arrest fake IPS trainee who cheated women on matrimonial sites - Times of India
Claiming himself as an trainee IPS officer, he approached Nithya, who had posted her profile on the matrimonial site, with a marriage proposal. After finalising the wedding, he asked the woman to financially help him to complete his training and took 10 sovereigns of gold and Rs 10,000 from her. He then went into hiding.
Based on the complaint of M Nithya (29) of Saidapet, CCB police registered a case and launched a search for the man.
Central crime branch police are hunting for the man who they believe was earlier arrested by the Madurai crime branch police in connection with a similar offence. He was then remanded in judicial custody at the Madurai central prison.
He had cheated 16 girls in a similar manner conniving with his relative Perumal.
Police said he had created several fake IDs and posted his profile on matrimonial sites. He used a number of SIM cards to talk to different women. Police said he might have also misused the credit cards of women.
Source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com
Battle of the beach resorts – Skegness accused of putting down rivals Blackpool and Brighton - Daily Telegraph
Local newspapers in both resorts took the decision not to carry the new advert.
“Skeggy” or as it’s affectionately known “The Costa del Skeg”, also claims to be “England’s cultural coast” where “great art and coast come together”.
Blackpool attracts about 13 million visitors each year, with plans in place for a £220m transformation of the resort's centre, while more than eight million people flock to Brighton annually.
In comparison Skegness only welcomes around four million visitors each year, generating £450m for the local economy.
Last year it was described in the Lonely Planet guide as "good family fun if you immerse yourself in the whole tacky spectacle".
But James Gilbert, ELDC’s communications team leader, who commissioned the idea, said the campaign said that view was 30 years out of date
“We want to challenge people’s perceptions and showcase the amazing art, culture, dance, theatre and music that is staged in the town,” he added.
“These adverts are highlighting alternative views, we hope to entice people into having a look at what Skegness has to offer.
“Obviously, Brighton and Blackpool attract more visitors than Skegness and we are not seeking to insult anyone who lives there or visits there.
"We are not trying to upset anyone, it's a bit of friendly rivalry," he said.
Skegness is hoping to get publicity for an "amazing summer of events", which includes So Festival and the Olympic Torch Relay on 27 June.
But Claire Smith, from the guesthouse and hoteliers association Stay Blackpool, said it was a "dirty tricks" campaign.
She said: "Skegness is a lovely little place and this campaign isn't drawing me in, in fact it's making me think about Blackpool and Brighton.
"It is difficult times. Blackpool has an abundance of stuff going on all summer as well, as I am sure Brighton has, but I don't think this campaign is the way to attract visitors," she said.
Both Skegness and Blackpool are featured in a TV advertising campaign to encourage Britons to take their holidays at home in 2012
Skegness once relied on The Jolly Fisherman with the slogan “So bracing” to promote the town in reference to the chilly north-easterly winds that whipped the beach off the North Sea.
Not since the Mods fought the Rockers back in 1964 has there been so much trouble on Brighton’s sea front.
A spokesman for Brighton and Hove City Council said: “Good luck to them. It’s slightly hard to tell what they’re getting at, however.
“As Brighton is widely known as a successful, buzzing, cultural place, with England’s biggest arts festival, claiming to be dissimilar is a strange strategy.
“But if Skegness wants to remind thousands of people that Brighton is here, that’s fine.”
Former city council leader Mary Mears said: “There’s a big difference between the two.
“Those people that visit Skegness maybe would not want to go again whereas we get lots of repeat customers in Brighton and Hove.”
Robin Morley, of Brighton-based Magnetic Events, is directing So Festival later this month.
He said: “I do have cross loyalties as Brighton is my home but have worked with East Lindsey council for three years.
“I think the advert shows Brighton and Hove has two sides to it, like any town or city.”
Source: www.telegraph.co.uk
Sussex Council rejects Romney Marsh nuclear plans - Kent News
Nuclear disposal facility diagram ( from Nuclear Decommissioning Authority)
Dean Kilpatrick, Reporter
Thursday, June 14, 2012
8:50 AM
Leader of East Sussex County Council raises “serious concerns” about proposed facility
Proposals for a nuclear facility in Romney Marsh have been opposed by neighbouring East Sussex County Council.
Shepway District Council is currently considering plans to build an underground nuclear research and development facility in the marshes.
However, the leader of East Sussex council has raised their concerns about a nuclear site being built close to their border at a council meeting.
Peter Jones, council leader, said: “We have serious concerns about these proposals in a location close to our border.
“We believe the plan doesn’t stack up and has many unknowns including geology, economic benefit, infrastructure and community support.”
Shepway District Council has stated it has “no formal view”, and is asking local people to contribute to the ongoing consultation period.
Source: www.kentnews.co.uk
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