Is divorce really reason to celebrate?
Are divorce parties in bad taste?
We love rituals. We do. They make us feel connected and purposeful. Rituals may be religious, or not. They may be shared with hundreds or few. But we love them because they are transformative. Weddings transform single people into a married couple, funerals transform dead bodies into living souls. Dinner dates make Friday night sexy. Grand finals make families from strangers, and enemies of others.
Of course, while passion for ritual process is common, commonly loved rituals are rare; one person’s sacred practice is another’s silly superstition – a waste of time, a hassle, even an inexcusable horror.
But what makes some rituals more supported than others? What makes one ritual right and another wrong in the eyes of society?
I’d like to talk here about a relatively new ritual phenomenon. The divorce party – a modern, Western ritual spawned in America sometime in 2007 that has grown in popularity since.
Though Jack White and Karen Elson’s divorce party was a shared affair, in the main divorce parties are organised independently, a la Heather Mills who famously forked out $500,000 for one of her own.
And while women may be seen as the hostesses with the mostest divorce party inclination, they aren’t the only ones doing it; many men’s events organisers cater to divorce parties for boys. In fact, the divorce party has been described as the “final frontier of the wedding industry complex”.
But are divorce parties rituals that are good or bad for society? Are they generally appropriate or in very bad taste?
The Guardian this week had an article written from a pro-perspective. In this context, divorce parties were not about celebrating the end of a marriage, but the start of a new life. Following von Gennep’s famous ‘three phases’ ritual model, the divorce party prompts healing by first separating the protagonist from their married identity, then passing them through the awkward post-separation threshold before finally rejoining them with the fresh life and love potential beyond.
Looked at this way, divorce parties can be seen as a ritual with myriad positive consequences. As a sacrament devoted to a person’s newfound singledom, the divorce party might be a ritual with power to transform woebegone broken-hearts into optimistic hoping-hearts. Surely this is a good thing in a world where divorce happens, and happens often.
Yet when viewed from the other side of the fence, divorce parties can look like very negative exercises in regret - visions of vitriol spewed into tacky, stabby invitations, cocktails of misery and bitterness served up with slices of dead-spouse blood-velvet cake.
Instead of a positive trajectory of healing, divorce parties can see the central character stuck in a regressive loop or loathing. Beginning with hate for the old relationship, middling with stewing over the old relationship and ending with refreshed hate for the old relationship, a divorce party can read like a downward spiral of doom.
How, you might ask, could anything good come from something so vindictive?
Indeed, in this age of social oversharing, it’s likely the shenanigans of a divorce party will be captured and disseminated, possibly intentionally so (especially to the wrong people, ie The Ex). Such grave-dancing is reprehensible, and gains little. Actually, it could lose the jigger quite a lot if the settlement is not quite finalised, and the ‘celebration’ is used to sucker-punch funds.
So perhaps they key factor here is time. Divorce parties might be a healthy, socially desirable ritual practice if held at the right time. That is to say after the bruising and swelling has gone down. Then perhaps the focus will be of new life, rather than ruined life. Then, maybe, likely guests would be contributing to a new future rather than being caught up in a messy war. Then the party is more ‘new-you debut’, less ‘divorce party’ – something we surely should support.
But what do you think?
Have you ever been involved with a divorce party? What do you think about them? Are they are healthy ritual practice, or should we stamp them out on the grounds they’re a socially destructive force?
kfeeney@fairfaxmedia.com.au (I promise I do read mail, even if I don't respond right away...)
Source: www.theage.com.au
Youth arrested for cheating girls online - in.com
Hyderabad, Jun 12(PTI)A youth who dated and cheated as many as 22 girls by collecting money from them using his fake matrimonial profile has landed behind bars, police said today. After receiving complaint from a victim, Cyber Crime sleuths in the Crime Investigation Department arrested Ravi Kishore Bojanki from Masab Tank here yesterday, Superintendent of Police (Cyber Crimes) U Ramamohan said. On interrogation, Ravi confessed that he had created a profile on a matrimonial site falsely stating that he did IIT in Mumbai and MS from University of California and was presently working with a IT major here, the senior police officer said. "Upon seeing his impressive profile, many girls including the complainant contacted him and subsequently developed close relationship with him online and even fixed matrimonial alliance," Ramamohan said. However, Ravi, taking advantage of the situation and to earn easy money squeezed huge amounts from these girls by exploiting them emotionally with false stories like his father was undergoing surgery or his mother met with an accident, the police officer said, adding the accused extracted about Rs 12 lakh from the victims and was leading a lavish life. The accused confessed that he was a B Tech graduate and was making his earning by cheating girls and that he was in touch with 54 girls online, of whom he took money from 22 girls.
Source: ibnlive.in.com
Techie held for duping girls - Times of India
HYDERABAD: Crime Investigation Department's (CID) Cyber Crime sleuths arrested an engineering graduate for duping over 30 girls by posing like an IIT graduate working for Microsoft. To lure unmarried girls, he had posted his profile on a matrimonial site 'Shaadi.com' with fake credentials.
Police arrested Bojjanki Ravi Kishore of Miyapur. According to police, Ravi Kishore finished B Tech from Visakhapatnam a few years ago and later worked in BPOs in the Steel City and Bangalore. As he was unemployed since last one year, he shifted base to Miyapur. During this time, he uploaded a fake profile on the matrimonial site Shaadi.com claiming that he finished B Tech from IIT, Powai and then did MS from University of California. Ravi Kishore also claimed that he was currently working as a software engineer with Microsoft in Gachibowli.
By seeing his profile, several unmarried women came in contact with him and he began luring them into his trap.
In this manner, the fraudster became close to 54 women and then he slowly began extracting money from them by telling his sob stories. "Kishore used to say that his father is undergoing surgery or his mother met with an accident. By listening to his sob stories, several girls gave money to him," additional SP U Rammohan said.
Most of the women he trapped were software engineers or professionals from other fields. With his sob stories, Kishore extracted about Rs 12 lakh from 22 girls in the last one year. He even sexually exploited several girls, the officer said.
However, some victims became suspicious as Kishore began avoiding them and during the subsequent interrogation, some of them realised that he was not an employee of Microsoft.
On June 7, an architect from the city, who was duped by him, lodged a complaint with the Cyber Crime police. According to police, he lured her family and their marriage was also fixed. Based on the complaint, police booked a case under the IT Act and arrested Kishore in Masab Tank when he landed there to meet a friend on Monday night.
Police seized a mobile phone and a laptop from him and produced him before court on Tuesday.
Source: timesofindia.indiatimes.com
London 2012: Olympics opening ceremony details revealed - BBC News
The Olympic Stadium will be transformed into the "British countryside" for the opening ceremony of the London 2012 Games on 27 July.
A cast of 10,000 volunteers will help recreate country scenes, against a backdrop featuring farmyard animals and landmarks like Glastonbury Tor.
The opening scene of the £27m ceremony will be called "Green and Pleasant", artistic director Danny Boyle revealed.
He added the show would create "a picture of ourselves as a nation."
"The best way to tell that story is through working with real people," said Boyle, who has reserved a role for NHS nurses in proceedings.
There have already been 157 cast rehearsals and Boyle added: "I've been astounded by the selfless dedication of the volunteers, they are the pure embodiment of the Olympic spirit and represent the best of who we are as a nation."
The set will feature meadows, fields and rivers, with families taking picnics, people playing sports on the village green and farmers tilling the soil.
Real farmyard animals will be grazing in the "countryside", with a menagerie of 70 sheep, 12 horses, three cows, two goats, 10 chickens, 10 ducks, nine geese and three sheepdogs.
One billion people worldwide are expected to watch the opening ceremony.
Boyle, best known for directing Oscar-winning film Slumdog Millionaire and Trainspotting, said the show was inspired by The Tempest and would be about a land recovering from its industrial legacy.
The world's largest "harmonically-tuned" bell, weighing 23 tonnes and measuring 2m tall x 3m wide, will ring inside the Stadium to start the Shakespeare-inspired spectacle, featuring 900 children from the six Games host boroughs.
The bell, which was produced by the Whitechapel Bell Foundry and is inscribed with a quote from The Tempest's Caliban: "Be not afeard, the isle is full of noises", was installed in the Stadium last week.
Boyle said it was appropriate because: "That's how communities notified each other that something important was going to happen...after the war the bells were rung in London to announce the peace and we will begin our Games with a symbol of peace."
Among the other features will be two mosh-pits - one representing the Glastonbury festival and another the Last Night of the Proms - filled with members of the public.
Tickets for these positions are yet to be allocated, with organisers still to decide how to distribute them.
The set will feature real grass, an oak tree and "clouds" suspended from wires above the stadium - one of which will produce rain, provided the British weather does not provide its own on the night.
Meanwhile, the home nations will be represented by Maypoles topped with a thistle, a leek, a rose and flax.
A full dress rehearsal will be held for a capacity crowd of 80,000 in the Olympic Stadium, which will be fitted with a million-watt sound system.
The production team at 3 Mills Studios is completing work on nearly 13,000 props, while staff in the production department are creating 23,000 costumes for the four Olympic and Paralympic ceremonies.
'Fantastic celebration'Seb Coe, who chairs the Organising Committee Locog, said it would be one of the biggest sets ever built for a show.
"I'm sure [it] will be a fantastic celebration that will welcome the 10,500 athletes from around the world and make our nation proud," he said.
The three-hour ceremony will begin at 21:00 BST with "an hour of culture", followed by the athletes parade, then the lighting of the cauldron and a fireworks display to bring down the curtain.
Boyle is collaborating with electronic musical duo Underworld, whose 1990s rave classic Born Slippy featured in Trainspotting. They have already mixed two tracks at London's Abbey Road studios.
Asked about timings for the ceremony, Boyle said the music will be used to help dictate the pace of athletes parading around the stadium.
The director, who said it would be impossible to keep details of the show secret, said he was trying to represent something of everyone's dreams in the ceremony and hoped viewers would "find something of themselves" in what they saw.
Source: www.bbc.co.uk
London 2012 Olympics: Athletes let down by UK sporting system over selection for Team GB - Daily Telegraph Blogs
Athletes by their very nature like to be in control of their destiny, which is why, on the eve of the London 2012 Olympic Games, there have been so many selection appeals – in taekwondo, fencing, triathlon, rowing, rhythmic gymnastics, diving and modern pentathlon.
Many are opportunistic and understandable or wild last-minute stabs to ensure no stone has been left unturned in the battle to make the GB team.
But many others have great legitimacy. Many athletes, not just those involved in high profile cases such as taekwondo player Aaron Cook, can rightly feel that the UK sporting system has failed them badly.
This is because some of the country's top athletes have had no control. Their sporting careers have been determined by blazer wearing officials whose opinion overweighs any objective criteria.
Circumstances in taekwondo over the past fortnight have exposed the flaws in this system. UK Sport has being missing in action – it has distanced itself from any responsibility over national governing bodies – even though the taxpayer and national lottery player are contributing the £100 million a year to keep many of these sports solvent.
For nearly four years UK Sport has been monitoring each sport to extract the optimum chance of Olympic medals but now, on the eve of that performance, worryingly significant governance issues are bubbling to the surface.
The British Olympic Association has tried to enforce some responsibility, by demanding adherence to the various selection policies, but its power is largely limited to Games-time operations once the team has been selected.
The Minister for Sport Hugh Robertson has been relatively quiet too, claiming to want to have the best team to win medals, but his Ministry has been lax in its oversight of many of the smaller sports procedures.
In this vacuum of scrutiny, many national governing bodies have instituted secretive, and on occasion, completely subjective policies where there is zero accountability.
Seemingly the one fundamental value – athletes' rights – has been overlooked within these policies. The sports appeals system restricts objections to whether the selection policy has been implemented fairly, but then sends the selection back to the same group of selectors for more clandestine meetings.
What happened to the notions of justice, procedural fairness and transparency? Surely the Olympic team shouldn't be a function of how good a lawyer an athlete can hire?
In the United States most of the team selections are objective. It is a cruel one-shot chance. Compete in the Olympic trials, finish in the top two (for swimming) or the top three (for track and field) and you are in the team. Injury or illnesses are not considered.
World rankings, Olympic medals, having a relative as a sponsor / selector / coach are immaterial: it all comes down to a single performance. Athletes in combat sports earn their place with victory at a selection tournament. Such a black and white approach has its failings of course, notwithstanding that the country's best medal hope might dip out by 100th of a second, but athletes are accepting of such a model simply because they know where they stand.
In Australia and Canada many of the sports have adopted a similar performance-based system. But those that haven't are required to publish their selection criteria openly on websites. Appeals are heard by quite separate selection panels. It may well have been the case that Cook's rival, Lutalo Muhammad would have been selected by both selection panels if such a system existed here in the UK, but at least Cook, and the public, would have some faith that the system was fairer.
GB Taekwondo has come in for particularly harsh criticism of late and rightly so. Even after three selection meetings, the taekwondo selection policy has remained secret. As outsiders we are puzzled by the decision and can only infer it has included an overweight “subjective'” component. For how else could a relatively inexperienced Muhammad, ranked 59 in the world, earn the Olympic berth repeatedly ahead of the world number one Cook?
Source: blogs.telegraph.co.uk
Marital discord a ‘Western bane’ - bangaloremirror.com
by chandru mani iyer, cmaniiyer@yahoo.com
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
11:23:42 AM
Article:
Bedi calls PM a blind king, Cong hits back (News - Nation)
Source: www.bangaloremirror.com
London 2012: Could the Olympics be rained off? - The Guardian
Here's a thought. What if, when our impeccably planned Olympics start on July 27, the weather doesn't co-operate? Some long-range forecasts are encouraging, and London has fewer rainy days in July than any other month, but isn't it possible that high summer in England could be as wet and dreary, frankly, as it usually is?
It rained right through many of the Olympic test events. It rained ferociously more-or-less throughout the jubilee weekend. It even rained in Athens during the torch-lighting. While the ever-jovial Danny Boyle, director of the opening ceremony, has promised that synthetic rainclouds will be included "just in case it doesn't rain".
The position at the London Organising Committee is simple: rain will not stop play. "We're a fairly sturdy lot," a spokesperson says. "Beach volleyball will continue in the rain, archery will continue in the rain – just like Beijing, where there were a number of events that continued in the rain." Indeed, lightning will be needed to stop most things.
A few events, such as the BMX and tennis competitions, might be delayed by rain, but the organisers are confident they could handle the rescheduling. So, for the record, if it does not stop raining from the moment the opening ceremony begins until the moment the games are supposed to end, will everything still be completed? "Yes," they say.
Continuing is not thriving, however. Outdoor competitors are used to rain, but they often perform worse in it. Usain Bolt, for one, has registered some early excuses. "He'd have to have the right conditions [to run 100m in less than 9.5 seconds]," says his coach Glen Mills, "and I'm not sure London is going to be kind."
Broadly speaking, then, a wet Olympics will see fewer records, but this varies by event. "For the endurance athletes there could be an advantage relative to hot conditions, in that it can help to keep them cool," says Peter Stanley, who coached Jonathan Edwards to a gold medal, and is now a mentor at England Athletics. "For the throwers, however, turning quickly in a circle that is slippery due to rain is more difficult… You could say a normal British summer would benefit a normal British athlete, but we will have to wait and see."
In truth, the people who would suffer most in a wet Olympics are probably the spectators. Yes, the toilets at the velodrome and the handball arena (which harvest rainwater) will be flushing well. But the roof at the Olympic stadium covers only two thirds of the seats, and there is no roof at all on the Riverbank Arena, where the hockey will be played, nor over all the seats at the beach volleyball, the BMX track, the equestrian events, or on The Mall for the road cycling. So if you've got tickets for one of those, bring a cagoule.
Source: www.guardian.co.uk
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